Organization, Care Tasks, and Mental Health
Our relationships with organization, cleanliness, and “keeping up” are rarely just about the house. For many people—especially those who are neurodivergent—care tasks are deeply intertwined with executive functioning, mental health, and shame. Cultural messages often frame organization as a moral issue or a reflection of character, rather than as a skill shaped by nervous systems, energy levels, and support.
The books and resources below offer alternatives to shame-based approaches. They center compassion, flexibility, and systems that meet people where they are—rather than demanding conformity to a single standard of order.
1. How to Keep House While Drowning
By KC Davis, LPC (Read in 2025)
This book reframes care tasks—like cleaning, organizing, and maintaining a home—as morally neutral. KC Davis approaches organization through the lens of mental health, executive functioning, and survival, particularly during periods of overwhelm.
Why it’s helpful:
Explicitly challenges shame-based narratives around cleanliness.
Centers compassion for people experiencing burnout, depression, ADHD, and overwhelm.
Emphasizes functional systems over aesthetic ideals.
Validates that care tasks are not a measure of worth.
2. The Hoarder in You
By Dr. Robin Zasio (Read before 2019)
This book explores emotional attachment to possessions, clutter, and accumulation with a therapeutic lens. While often associated with hoarding disorder, the material is useful for understanding how anxiety, trauma, and executive functioning challenges can shape our relationships with objects.
Why it’s helpful:
Addresses the emotional and psychological roots of clutter.
Offers insight into how anxiety and avoidance reinforce disorganization.
Encourages self-awareness rather than judgment.
Can help differentiate between clutter as a symptom versus a moral failing.
3. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up (and related works)
By Marie Kondo (Read before 2019)
Marie Kondo’s work focuses on intentionality, values, and the emotional relationship we have with our belongings. While not designed specifically for neurodivergent audiences, many readers find parts of her approach grounding and reflective.
Why it’s helpful (with nuance):
Encourages awareness of what we keep and why.
Invites values-based decision-making rather than accumulation.
Can be useful when adapted flexibly rather than rigidly.
Works best when divorced from perfectionism or productivity pressure.
A Neurodivergent Reflection on Care Tasks and Shame
I’ve read these books both personally and professionally. As someone who is ADHD myself, I know how deeply shame can show up around organization, especially when executive functioning makes consistency difficult. For many people with ADHD or ASD, struggles with care tasks are not about motivation or effort—they are about capacity, energy, and systems that were never designed for their brains.
Shame often becomes the heaviest part of the load. It tells people they are failing at adulthood, morality, or self-respect. In reality, these struggles are often expressions of neurodivergence, stress, trauma, or burnout—not personal shortcomings.
What these resources offer, at their best, is permission: permission to create nonjudgmental systems, to prioritize function over appearance, and to approach care tasks as acts of support rather than punishment.
Closing Reflection
Organization is not a measure of worth. Care tasks are not character tests. For neurodivergent people especially, the goal is not perfection, but sustainability and compassion. Finding systems that work with your nervous system—rather than against it—can be a powerful step toward reducing shame and supporting mental health.