Asexuality
Asexuality Pride Flag
Understanding asexuality and the ace spectrum requires curiosity, openness, and a willingness to sit with experiences that may fall outside dominant cultural narratives about desire, intimacy, and relationships. Below are books and online resources that offer different entry points into understanding asexuality, aromanticism, and related identities.
1. Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex
By Angela Chen
This book offers a thoughtful exploration of asexuality through cultural analysis, interviews, and personal narratives. Chen examines how assumptions about sex, desire, and relationships shape society—and how asexuality challenges those assumptions.
Why it’s helpful:
Encourages broader reflection on how desire is socially constructed.
Offers visibility and language for experiences often misunderstood or erased.
Can be a useful starting point for questioning normative ideas about sex and intimacy.
Personal note: I read this book when it was released in 2020. While it’s a valuable resource, it’s important to note that it does not fully capture the vastness or diversity of how asexuality can be experienced. No single book can represent every ace experience, and this one is best read as one perspective among many.
2. The Invisible Orientation
By Julie Sondra Decker
This book is often referenced as a foundational text on asexuality, offering definitions, personal stories, and advocacy-oriented discussion around ace identities.
Why it’s helpful:
Frequently recommended as an introductory resource on asexuality.
Aims to normalize and validate asexual experiences.
Provides language that can help people articulate their own identities.
Personal note: I have not read this book yet, but it is commonly cited within ace communities and professional spaces as a meaningful resource.
3. Ace Voices: What It Means to Be Asexual, Aromantic, Demi, or Grey-Ace
By Eris Young
This collection centers lived experiences across the asexual and aromantic spectrums, highlighting the diversity and nuance often missing from broader conversations.
Why it’s helpful:
Centers a wide range of ace-spectrum identities and voices.
Emphasizes that there is no single way to be asexual or aromantic.
Can help readers feel less alone in experiences that don’t fit dominant narratives.
Personal note: I have not read this book yet, but it is often recommended for its emphasis on lived experience and representation.
Online Resources
Scarleteen’s Asexuality Primer
Scarleteen is one of the largest and most inclusive online resources for sex and relationship education, with content that centers young people while remaining valuable for adults as well.
Why it’s helpful:
Highly accessible and easy to navigate.
Includes clear FAQs and links to additional resources.
Approaches asexuality with inclusivity, curiosity, and respect.
Personal note: I first found this website about 20 years ago. While it is marketed to teens it still holds helpful information.
Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN)
AVEN hosts the world’s largest online asexual community and maintains an extensive archive of educational resources on asexuality.
Why it’s helpful:
Offers community connection alongside education.
Provides a wide range of articles, discussions, and definitions.
Encourages open dialogue between asexual and sexual people alike.
New England Aces
New England Aces is a regional group supporting people on the asexual and aromantic spectrums. Their website includes an overview of Asexuality 101 and links to related resources.
Why it’s helpful:
Offers regional and community-based connection.
Provides accessible educational content for those new to asexuality.
Highlights the importance of local visibility and support.
Closing Reflection
Asexuality, like all identities, exists on a wide and deeply personal spectrum. These books and resources offer starting points—not definitions set in stone. Whether you’re exploring your own identity, supporting someone you care about, or seeking to better understand experiences different from your own, approaching this topic with openness and humility matters.
Learning, unlearning, and listening are ongoing processes. No single resource can hold every truth—but together, they help widen the conversation.